God’s God


What’s up God? Oh, “Tits McGee” over here just died in a car accident. And? And he was an atheist. BUH! Surprise motherfucker! I’m real! Come on God, stop antagonizing the atheists, isn’t it enough that you send them to hell? Jeffrey, don’t fuck with the highlight of my day, okay? Did you think nothing created you tank twister? You think the universe created itself? Ah! Are you so daft that you didn’t realize that there HAS to be an explanation for your existence and your intelligence? Huh? Wh-? What? Well God, you exist and you must be very intelligent. Of course I’m intelligent, I’m God! Well, what’s the explanation for your existence and intelligence. I… I… I just am okay. No, not okay. If human minds are so intelligent that they demand a creator as an explanation for their existence… …then how much more intelligent must their creator”s mind be? So intelligent that it too demands an explanation for its existence, even more so. The explanation is that I’m eternal, you little flying diaper nugget! I always existed, I just am. That means, it’s possible for an intelligent mind to exist without a creator and therefore this atheist’s disbelief that his mind was intelligently designed is perfectly reasonable because you’re standing here, God himself, supposedly the most intelligent thing of all time… …and you were not intelligently designed. This atheist is perfectly consistent, in fact, the atheist who knows his mind is the result of evolution has far more of an explanation than “I’m just eternal”, as if the word “eternal” makes you exempt from the logic which you just now implied should be so obvious. Now that I think about it… …the only inconsistency here is you. Me??? Yeah, it’s special pleading, according to your logic… …you must be created. Bullshit! How do you know you weren’t? Because, you little nipple bitter… …I’m omniscent. I know all. You can’t know that. Why the hell not? Because there could be something that you don’t know, that you don’t know, and you’d never be able to say there isn’t… …because you wouldn’t know it, if there were. Ah- What are you – ? You… AH Jeffery, I’m sick and tired of your bullshit!!! [Lightning sound] [Gun click] Ha ha ha, what are you gonna do with that? Geoffrey I’m omnipotent! Like you were omniscient? [Suspense music] [Shooting sound] BUH! [Laughing] Oh, it’s just this Yahweh, he was an atheist. Was! Surprised Sporty! I’m real! I knew it! Oh yeah, yeah of course. I gave him a standard Class 7 Universe to rule over… …and what do you think he did with it? Yes, yes of course… …used it to get lesser beings to worship him. So pathetic and cliche… Yahweh, you have a lot to answer for. It’s time for your judgment. Judgement?! Bullshit! I’m Goood! Ahhhh yeah, you’ve set yourself up to be your own God, sure, because you just want to live according to your own rules, Yahweh. I mean, what kind of moral compass is that? I created you for a purpose. I wanted to have a relationship with you, Yahweh. And all you needed to do was open up and let me into your heart. Who the fuck are you? Yahweh, you know who I am. For since the creation of eternity, my invisible qualities, my power and Divine nature… …have been clearly seen and understood from what has been made, so that you, are without excuse. Invisible qualities have been clearly seen?! How could you not see how full of shit that is? If you want to have a relationship with me… …then quit pussyfooting around playing peek-a-boo, and shit, and just introduce yourself, dipshit! [Laughing] You’re a vastly intelligent and complex being Yahweh, did you think nothing created you? Did you think you just created yourself? I thought I was eternal. You are eternal Yahweh, but I exist beyond eternity. I’m separate from eternity, and I danced you into existence. But if i’m eternal, how could I come into existence? How could you be “beyond eternity”? What do you mean you “danced” me into existence? It’s metaphorical Yahweh, you wouldn’t even begin to understand the technicalities. So… What happens now? Well…you must be judged and unfortunately I find you guilty of being jealous, hypocritical, boastful… …to name a few. If you had accepted me into your heart, you would have been forgiven… …but, ah, it’s too late now. No no no no no. No need for that, I accept you, I accept you God. Too late. Well, how do you like that, you couldn’t even give me fair warning? Ahhh you never downloaded my eBook, did you? eBook? What eBook? “The Good PDF”, “The Holy F.A.Q.”, it tells you everything you need to know about me. That’s how you choose to communicate? The almighty creator of eternity communicates through an e-Book?! There’s a million eBooks. How am I supposed to know the right one? Well, better to believe and be wrong than to disbelieve and be wrong. Ohh no, you didn’t!! Sounds kind of familiar. Shut it, Jeffrey. That’s not sincere belief. What if I believed in the wrong eBook? Yahweh, I’ve given you more than enough evidence. Two trillion years ago, my son appeared and made a square circle before many witnesses. A square circle? But that’s illogical! With me, all things are possible Yahweh, I created logic. So, only I should be able to break logic. That’s how I revealed myself, it was, it was all documented in my ebook… …which you probably should have believed, but you didn’t. None of this makes any sense. It’s not even logical to say that only you could break logic because you created logic. It’s logical because I say it is. This is so unfair. You smug little douche-dingle-bitch. What do you expect to do to me with lightning? I’m gonna fry your ass, pokey! Can everyone just please calm down? Shut the fuck up diaper stain! I’m not done with you, either. Yahweh, you can’t kill me. How do you know that? Because, I’m omniscent. Well… …what if there’s something that you don’t know, that you don’t know? [God confused sound] [Explosions] Well, this is awkward. Fuck! All of you! Where the hell are we now? You’re on Earth. Whose God are you? I created all the gods, yes, but I myself am not a God. I… …am Humanity. And I created you because there were times when I felt scared and alone. There were times when I grieved. There were times when I felt awe and wonder… …yet didn’t have the answers, I so desperately wanted… …but most of all…. There were times… …when I wanted to control other people. And in all these things, the creation of the gods was most useful You may have been a necessary evil, but humanity, is growing up… …and the time has come… to put away childish things.

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About the Author: Emmet Marks

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