Rap God (Dear Ryan)


So, first things first.
I know, I know! Before somebody makes a comment,
I know my hair is disgustingly long. It’s literally never been
this long before. So please don’t leave the comment,
“Dear Ryan, can you cut your hair? It looks like a dirty mop!” Actually, you know what?
That’s kinda funny. Go ahead and leave that comment. But it just goes to show you that
I’m so secure with how I Iook that I don’t even have
to hide the fact that my hair– Hey, guys! So just because people have
been asking, a quick update from my addiction video.
I’ve been doing good! I’ve literally cut down
to about one Redbull a day. In fact, one of the days I
didn’t even have a Redbull. Now, it wasn’t today,
but one of those days. But anyways, before I get more off topic– Like I said in the addiction video,
I’m still gonna be doing a lot of skits and stuff, like I did last year.
But I’m also gonna be doing a lot more of these free style Vlogs. So basically, I grabbed a bunch
of Dear Ryans from you guys and we’re just gonna see what happens. So…let’s get started? It’s so gross! Dear Ryan, how many straws
can you stuff in your mouth? That kinda just sounds like you
just want me to look stupid, so I’m just gonna go ahead
and skip that one and– (voice is muffled) 66! Ugh, I almost threw up. Still going to use these.
I mean, it’s my spit. Dear Ryan, can you sing
your abc’s backwards? A-B-C-D-E-F-G-H-I-J-K-L-M-
N-O-P-Q-R-S-T-U-V-W-X-Y and Z. Od ot ysae os s’taht. That’s so easy to do. (sing abc’s backwards) I spent way to much time on that.
Look at that–the sun went down! I guess I’m just dipust–Stupid. Dear Ryan, do you pick your nose
with your left index finger or your right? Huh. What do I use, actually?
My left…or my right? I’m not sure.
Maybe I use my– Where is that coming from?! Dear Ryan, can you sing opera? Operaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa (panting) Light headed. Honestly, that’s what I thought opera
was when I was a little kid last week. Dear Ryan, can you not? I can “knot”! Dear Ryan, can you even? I can “even”. Dear Ryan, can you prank call someone? I can…”not”! Okay, that was one
“too” many puns, “even” for me. Dear Ryan, do you watch your own videos? I guess a serious answer this time. No. I’m not that conceited.
I don’t just sit and watch my own videos and pat myself on the back
or something, you know? That would just be weird
and conceited..so, noo -I don’t do that,
so…no.…I don’t do that.What a good answer to that Dear Ryan! Dear Ryan, how many licks does it take
to get to the Tootsie Roll center of a Tootsie Pop? Well, isn’t that crazy ’cause I
just so happen to have– Naw, I went to go pick this up real quick. A-one! A-two-hoo! A-three! Ow, what the?!
That’s nothing like the commercial! (neighing) That’s 100 so far.
It’s not even close. 600, almost there! You can see the brown coming out–
that sounded wrong, but then again, this
whole Dear Ryan is pretty wrong. 97…98…99…700!
About 700, and now we know how much free time I have. I can’t believe I just did that. I thought it was gonna
be a lot quicker. I didn’t– (sighs) I better not get flagged for this. (slurp) Dear Ryan, can you tell us how do you feel
when you read negative comments. I mean, what do you
really feel? Seriously? I’ll just find a negative comment
and show you what happens. From Billy Jones: Wow. You’re a f*cking [bleep], you piece of Asian sh*t. You’re a [bleep]ing squinty-eyed f*ggot and your videos are sh*t. Go back to doing something like Maths,
you pathetic Asian f*ggot. You’re a pathetic excuse
for a human being. Go eat some rice
and get the f*ck off YouTube. Your videos make me wish
every Asian was f*cking dead. You’re a [bleep]ing [bleep], you f*ggot. Are you so squinty eyed
that you can’t even see… (sniffs) you can’t
even how sh*t your videos are? F*cking kill yourself. See, it’s not… (sobbing) Um, yeah. Comments like that
just make me want to cut… you know, more onions.
Because to me, you know, negative comments
are just so uninteresting. (breaks into laughter) Sorry, that was so bad. But, yes, that was a real comment. See? Basically, my real answer
is that I don’t really get affected by negative comments anymore. Come on guys.
I’ve been doing this for eight years, I’m pretty sure I’ve seen
everything. Seriously. Your hair looks weird! (sobbing) Because it’s long! (sobbing) Ugh! Oh, dude! Oh, in my eye. That’s good. Alright…(sobbing) Dear Ryan, can you rap like Eminem? In my opinion, I think that Eminem
is one of–if not the best rapper– not that I know anything about rap,
but ever since I was young he was always my favorite. And I guess the answer is simple:
No, I cannot rap like that. I don’t think anyone can.
Just because I can talk fast doesn’t mean that I can rap.
That’s two completely different things. Dear Ryan, can you make
a rap song about lamps? Yeah, sure. I’ll even do
it to an Eminem song. Tee hee! What? What a bad answer to that Dear Ryan. It’s so unrealistic. (giggling from under table) Thank you guys so much for watching.
If you want to see the previous video, click the one on the left.
If you want to see the last Dear Ryan video, click the one on the right.
If you want to see a hippopotamus tickling a giraffe while riding
on top of a magical rainbow while on top of a horse,
click the one on the bottom! And…that’s it. (laughs)

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About the Author: Emmet Marks

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